So it's real. We are really here and this is really happening and my stomach is churning around just like when I used to stand up and sing at competitions and concerts! But this time its not me on the line…its someone much more important than me. It's my darling Leo and when I look at his beautiful happy face, my heart is heavy and happy all at the same time. I also look at my husband's face and see the love and concern in his eyes and I feel the weight of responsibility firmly weighing on my shoulders. I am Mum and whilst Stuart will share this journey with me, as all Mums know, the weight will sit on my shoulders and I am scared. I will be the one who sleeps beside his bedside through the worst nights. I am the one who will hold him when he cries with pain…I am the one who will help him take his first steps and catch him when he falls..I am the one who will cry silently but smile and laugh for Leo because he will need me to. I am glad to bear this weight but I hope I can do it right and I hope I can be the best Mum that I can be not only to Leo but to my other two dearest babies whom I will have to leave behind.

But enough of the wallowing, there is no time for that. I am only thinking aloud to try to explain some of the feelings that go through my head but mostly I am motivated and excited to get this party started.

It all started with the plane journey and for Leo, this was heaven on earth! He did not stop talking from the time we left the house to the time he fell asleep exhausted in the hotel at 10pm. It was as though he had been silenced for the last four years (Emily tends to dominate all conversations) and he finally had a voice. He was delightful and so entertaining giving everyone on the plane a running commentary on the cloud situations and the tray table in front of him and was especially fascinated by the safety instructions asking when would we get to slide down the emergency slide!

The hotel was another high point for Leo. He LOVED it, his first time in a hotel and was relishing it. He finally went to sleep and Stuart and I could relax and get some sleep before the big appointment.

We arrived at the hospital and went in for the assessment. Two gruelling hours later of intensive physio and tests, and Leo was exhausted. He did brilliantly, doing everything he was asked to do (not easy) with a smile and his magic charm. Then we had a meeting with the surgeon, Mr Aquilina who is THE MAN. He went through the operation procedure with us in detail and I shivered just at the thoughts of it but the results could be life changing. At the moment Leo’s legs are turned in and he can only stand very awkwardly on his tip toes but the operation would allow him to put his feet fully on the ground, straighten his knees and reduce the spasticity so that he can then learn to walk. They cut into his spine and operate on the nerves that are attached to his legs. Scary but incredible.

We now have four long weeks to wait to get the official ‘yes’ and an official date for the operation…and then the fundraising starts in earnes. I will need to stay with Leo in Bristol for three and a half weeks and then home for 12 months of intensive physio both by me and the professionals.

We brought a tired Leo home late Monday evening and a huge thanks is owed to my father-in-law David and his partner Phil for minding Emily and Matthew while we were gone. They had a great time with ‘Grandad and Phil’ even though ‘Grandad and Phil’ looked exhausted.

In the morning when they all woke, it warmed my heart to see them all have a ‘group hug’ with Leo and telling him how much they missed him and his joy to see his ‘best friends’ Emily and Matthew!

The first hurdle has been overcome…….Well done Leo!!!